Wertie's wonderful oneshots!
by wertie
Summary: A collection of one-shots and omakes from the 'Unspoken Alchemy' chapter competitions! Check out my story 'Unspoken Alchemy' for competitions and details. Rated T for language and other naughty things.


_**This is where all the one-shot's for my 'Unspoken Alchemy' games will be found!**_

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter

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Wertie's wonderful one-shots!

**CHAPTER 8 WINNER**

**TheDanaDobreAKAToshiroLover**

_**Harry Potter x Fullmetal Alchemist**_

_**Summary: **_Omake for 'Unspoken Alchemy' (my other fic)! Things get nasty when Draco Malfoy disses Edward Elric's little brother, Alphonse. Who will triumph? Who will be beaten to a pulp? Who slips in… pee? Find out now!

_**Warning: **_Contains pee?

Edward Elric sighed as he stepped out from the great hall with a full belly, venturing towards the boy's lavatory to relieve himself. _If I hurry, I'll get back before everyone else is finished, _he thought happily, _and that means more food!_

Ed quickened his pace, driving himself forward on pure ambition and determination to eat more. He reached the door that was labelled with a little blue man and hastily pushed it open, stepping into the lemon fresh scented bathroom.

Making his way to the urinals, Ed skidded to a stop in front of the mirror. He narrowed his eyes at his reflection, his scrutinizing gaze analysing his body. He pouted a bit as he lifted his metal arm into the air, his reflection mimicking him perfectly. He raised his arm to the top of his head and held his palm across it.

"Hmm," He hummed, still pouting, "I'm still sh-"

Ed stopped himself, clenching his teeth tightly.

"Oh yeah, silly me," He laughed, raising his palm above his antenna, "I'm much taller."

After a few more seconds grinning like a Cheshire cat at his reflection, Ed suddenly gasped and held his legs tightly together, his bladder threatening to explode.

Ed made a dash to the urinals and began to unzip his pants as a cold voice echoed through the bathroom.

"Oi, Edwina."

Stopping mid-zip, Ed turned to face Draco Malfoy who was leaning casually on the door frame.

"Malory," Edward seethed, nodded in Malfoy's direction before fiddling with his pants zip again.

Malfoy sneered at Ed, not liking the taste of his own medicine, and walked over to stand next to Ed.

"Uh, Malory?" Ed chuckled nervously, pausing again mid-zip, "Do you need something?"

Malfoy shrugged and stared off at the other wall.

"Actually, Edwina," Malfoy paused with a smirk on his face, letting the insult sink in, "I wanted to ask you a favour."

Ed rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath of air, zipping his pants up fully and stepping away from the urinal, curious to know what Ed could possibly do for a snake like Malfoy.

"Shoot."

Malfoy nodded once, his thin mouth turned up into a smirk.

"Why don't you sit with us Slytherins for the rest of the feast? Seeing as you don't like sitting with your fellow housemates."

Ed raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes at Malfoy, wondering where this was leading.

"Because let's face it, those foolish _Ravenclaws _are just a bunch of good-for-nothing wimps," Malfoy laughed, a dangerous look creeping onto his face, "Especially that stupid brother of yours."

Before Malfoy could even register Ed's facial expression as pure rage, Ed tackled Malfoy to the ground, pounding his metal fist into his stomach.

Malfoy coughed harshly as he rose to his wobbly feet, Ed standing a few metres away with his fist raised.

"What was that for, Edwina?" Malfoy wheezed, "Got a soft spot for your wimpy broth-"

Malfoy was cut off by a swift kick to the gut from Ed, causing him to double over in pain. Edward stomped over to Malfoy and grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt, raising his metal fist to his face.

"Never." Edward growled dangerously low, "Never speak about my brother like that ag-"

Ed gasped and held his crotch, begging to not urinate all over the floor.

Malfoy, seeing his chance, raised his fist and punched Ed right in the jaw. He tumbled to the ground and rolled up into a ball, taking in sharp breaths as his bladder threatened to burst. He jumped up and ran to the urinal, his fingers fumbling uselessly with the zipper.

Ed's head bounced off the tile wall in front of him, cracking loudly, as Malfoy bashed his head forward. Ed whined as he continued to fumble with the zip, which was refusing to go down, blood running down his face from a large cut above his eyebrow.

Malfoy landed a kick to Ed's back, causing him to fall to his knees, almost causing him to wet himself right then.

"Must… pee…" He moaned, crawling towards the urinal again.

Malfoy grabbed on to Ed's foot and pulled him back roughly, rolling him over and placing a glossy shoe on his bulging stomach.

"You… don't want… to do that..." Ed gasped, the only pain he felt was from his too-small bladder.

Malfoy, with an evil grin on his face, pressed harder on Ed's stomach.

Edward screamed and thrashed his legs wildly, before stopping completely, his face going blank.

"Did… you just?" Malfoy stammered, his face one of pure shock.

Edward grinned and flipped over, sending Malfoy flying into the wall.

"I told you not to do that," He laughed darkly, his eyes flicking to the puddle now on the floor.

Malfoy groaned and got to his feet slowly, holding his shoulder painfully. Ed's eyes flashed with evil as he cracked his knuckles loudly.

"Now it's my turn."

Malfoy grinned lopsidedly, huffing quietly.

"Bring it, bitch."

Edward and Malfoy charged at each other, fists raised.

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A high-pitched scream rung through the halls, followed by a loud crashing sound. The great hall fell into silence as everyone's heads turned to the door.

McGonagall quickly got to her feet and rushed to the door, her short heels clipping on the stone floor loudly.

Everyone's eyes followed McGonagall as she left the great hall, silence pursued before the Great Hall erupted into excited chatter once more.

Al gasped silently, his eyebrows knitting together furiously.

_What's brother done now? _He thought, accompanied by an eye roll.

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"Oh shit." Ed mumbled, stumbling to a stop in front of Malfoy.

Malfoy lay in a heap, resting in the puddle Ed had left moments ago.

Ed coughed loudly and poked Malfoy with his index finger, being careful not to touch the pee.

"Looks like he knocked himself out," Ed sighed, clapping his hands together and pressing them to his pants, drying them instantly with some sort of alchemic conversion.

Ed shrugged and slipped out of the door, wiping the blood off his brow as he walked back towards the Great Hall.

He heard the familiar sound of approaching footsteps and instantly hid behind a random suit of armour, out of view of the person approaching the bathroom.

Ed bit his lip to hold in a chuckle as he heard a gasp from inside the bathroom.

"Oh Mr. Malfoy, what happened?" McGonagall's voice drifted outside.

Ed heard a groan and some shuffling.

"Huh? Where am I?" A tired voice said, "What happened?"

"What's that smell?" McGonagall shrieked.

Edward ran off quickly, joining the group of students filing out of the Great Hall.

He spotted Al and gave him a quick wave, before falling into step behind the golden trio as they made their way to the Gryffindor common room.


End file.
